i just ate a hamburger

Serious Report

(Seriously)

I just ate another leftover hamburger. It was delicious. Not only was the meat pink in the middle – it actually bled all over the counter.

At first, I thought the blood was ketchup. I soon realized the delicious truth: I had not yet retrieved any of my several dozen 3-year-old McDonalds ketchup packets from their home inside of the “no, not that one” drawer. Speaking of which…

…Other contents of the drawer:

1. Ancient mustard packets that I will never consume. Since I’m too lazy to seek out and discard all of these tiny, hardened bricks of potential poison and will never, ever eat them – I think it’s fun to watch friends open these packets with their teeth. What’s even better than seeing their face cringe (presumably from pleasure) when they get that first taste of crustard is when they successfully avoid noticing the state in which the mustard exists until they squeeze the rancid substance from the packet all over their sandwich. At that point, I’m usually like “Whoa, dude….that’s really gross. That mustard must be old or something.”
2. One (wickless) birthday candle.
3. Napkins from many of the major fast-food restaurants. (may or may not have been used to wipe semen from genitalia )
4. I’m bored now.

thanks.

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality