Thank Yous: God, The Militial Group, The Jealous Sound

My prayers have begun to be answered. In the last day or two, the long-inactive Myspace for The Jealous Sound posted a bulletin with potential cover art along with an announcement for the upcoming “Got Friends EP.” There are no sounds available as of yet but I’ll definitely post if & when.

i <3 screenshots so fucking hard

Dear Jealous Sound (aka: where is “Got Friends?”)

cc: The Militia Group

bcc: God

Please release the “Got Friends?” EP. Your first ep is great. Your album is in my top 5 of all time. I heard that you guys aren’t a band anymore, that’s cool – I know it’s hard to be in a band. You should really release this record, though. I’m pretty gosh darn stoked about it and I’m about to have a fucking coronary.

ps is it really going to be mostly remixes? that’s the rumor. maybe the other rumor is true….that militia is just waiting on a dntel remix. i hope there are some new songs. you guys make amazing music.

thanks.

for those who are unfamiliar:

www.myspace.com/thejealoussound

www.myspace.com/knapsack (tjs singers old band)

i just ate a hamburger

Serious Report

(Seriously)

I just ate another leftover hamburger. It was delicious. Not only was the meat pink in the middle – it actually bled all over the counter.

At first, I thought the blood was ketchup. I soon realized the delicious truth: I had not yet retrieved any of my several dozen 3-year-old McDonalds ketchup packets from their home inside of the “no, not that one” drawer. Speaking of which…

…Other contents of the drawer:

1. Ancient mustard packets that I will never consume. Since I’m too lazy to seek out and discard all of these tiny, hardened bricks of potential poison and will never, ever eat them – I think it’s fun to watch friends open these packets with their teeth. What’s even better than seeing their face cringe (presumably from pleasure) when they get that first taste of crustard is when they successfully avoid noticing the state in which the mustard exists until they squeeze the rancid substance from the packet all over their sandwich. At that point, I’m usually like “Whoa, dude….that’s really gross. That mustard must be old or something.”
2. One (wickless) birthday candle.
3. Napkins from many of the major fast-food restaurants. (may or may not have been used to wipe semen from genitalia )
4. I’m bored now.

thanks.

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality

i got pwned

now i’m gonna go eat a hamburger. or a hot dog.

i have leftover hamburgers and hot dogs from a birthday party i attended this weekend. i should be able to survive eating only said leftovers for 2-3 days.

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality
FUCK ANDROIDOLOGY

cc:google, my lawyer – Androidology, you are a piece of shit (but the chocolate still sucks)

or should i say:

    Vladislav Rysenko        (vladlen@kievnet.com.ua)
    street Galickaya, house 12, apartment 32
    Kiev
    Kiev,04123
    UA
    Tel. +380.445938141

You stole my letter to the LG Chocolate.
I wasn't even mad until I
realized that also you stole my
google ranking.

Fuck you, Vladisav. You are a piece of shit. 

http://androidology.android-blog.net/
^
fucker.

Curse of the LG Chocolate -
ways in which it has detracted from my quality of life (so far)

1. Near-full battery dies in the middle of the night, causing oversleeping on work day chaos
2. Calls girlfriend and leaves a voicemail from my pocket while i’m hardcore flirting with cashier
3. Stresses me out enough to make me write shitty blog about how shitty it is
4. Makes me smile because it’s highly ranked in google. i feel somewhat proud.
5. Pisses me off by erasing my happiness through the actions of Androidology
6. Only time will tell what other evils this electronic gaget-o-satan will unleash

Fucking steal this you cum-guzzling sack of adsense shit.

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality

dear LG Chocolate – you are not an iPod (but like the iPOD, you’re a piece of shit)

I’ve owned the LG Chocolate for 2 days. In my defense, my old phone recently became obsolete (yeah, Verizon forces updates on you and phases your old phones out…..) and this new phone was kindly given to me as an act of respectable charity.

Many options that are typically controlled on a cell phone with buttons are now controlled with touch-sensitive something-or-other. What’s wrong with buttons? I never had a problem with buttons. Did you? Are you the asshole that sweet talked the marketing retards at every cell phone manufacturing company on this godforsaken planet to “phase out” the button concept? If so, fuck you. If you prefer touch screen to buttons, fuck you. You are a trendy fuckface.

Why is the LG Chocolate such a raging boner of a constantly ejaculating piece of soul-sucking shit?

There are a lot of reasons. I’m not going to cover all of them. I do think it’s important to note that this phone must be locked before put into ones pocket. (If it even fits, the damn thing is too long to be comfortable in my pocket.) Guess what else happens when this pop culture asswash dwells in my pocket? Well, if I don’t “lock the phone” like I did in 1998 with my blue backlit Nokia – the goddamn Chocolate thinks it’s cool to play around on the internet, dial my contacts and send text messages. You have to do some secret ninja code shit to lock and unlock the phone. Additionally there seems to be some pseudo-lock feature that doesn’t require a code. I don’t really get that either. Truly, I don’t want to.

Also, the charger doesn’t lock into the phone. You just sorta hope the wind doesn’t blow because if it does, your phone will surely come unplugged from the charger, die in the middle of the night because the battery can’t sustain more than 10 seconds of life due to the ridiculous graphic interface (fuck you, macintosh for inspiring that stupid shit in the first place) and you’ll wake up one day at noon instead of 8:30 when you were supposed to be at work at nine. When you finally get your greasy, unwashed ass to work, the parking lot will be full because you’re so late, so you’ll park in the grass beside the building. Then some guy on a lawnmower will make fun of you for being late and for parking in the grass when you can clearly see that he is about to mow the grass.

At that point, you’ll lose all hope for the rest of the day being worth a spec of shit you forgot to wipe from aforementioned greasy, unwashed ass and drudgingly recap the entire story to co-workers who aren’t really interested in anything you have to say in the first place.

Please donate your useful phone to me. Please. I beg the kindness of your soul. This phone is fucking up my life. If you have a decent Verizon phone (not stolen) and would be cool enough to help me out…please do. I’ll reward you with a blog containing a link to a song performed in a genre of your choice about a subject matter of your choice. Or just about how awesome you are for being charitable.

Thanks!

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality
FUCK ANDROIDOLOGY

thanks, Apple (or whoever). i now see a reason to own an iPhone (kinda)

News flash. Touch screens are stupid. They are not a good reason to spend 3204932krfkl34039 kurgabeks on a phone. I have an LG Chocolate. It’s stupid. It was free and I hate it. It’s basically the same as the iphone but with more buttons than “touch sensitive” yadda-yooks.

But who cares? The iPhone now has a guitar tuner. That’s right. A guit-fucking-tar tuner. Also, built-in chord charts. I think you can download it here. If that site is somehow unscrupulous, don’t blame me. I don’t understand internets.

The internet already has guitar tuners and chord charts so I guess this isn’t really that cool. But, when you can’t afford to pay your bill because you spent all your money on a stupid iPhone at least you’ll still be able to use it as a guitar tuner.

(If you spend 3204932krfkl34039 kurgabeks on a phone, you’re an idiot. please make an extra house, car, credit card or student loan payment instead. the only people that truly utilize phones that cost 3204932krfkl34039 kurgabeks are people that don’t have to buy for themselves, like children….or those stylus-flashing suit-wearing cubicle dwellers. when was the last time you did something smart or selfless with your money?)

ps, yeah – i’m obtuse. i don’t care.

Copyright 2008, Mr. Frugality

who the fuck is indiana gregg?

i hate her x9

That’s right. Indiana Gregg is a stupid bitch.

“I can tell she’s a stupid bitch by her stupid bitch hands and her stupid bitch face, Aaron,” you say. “But what is it about this particular stupid bitch that makes you want to sit at your computer on the Fourth of July (Yeah. Independence Day. I could be at at the theater right now watching Hancock) running your face against a proverbial cheese grater instead of going out and having fun?

Ugh. She wrote this article. (Well, the article she wrote is on that page. Scroll down.)

Before she decided to share her completely retarded opinion (concerning file sharing, torrents, copyrights, blah blah blah)  with the internet, I had no knowledge of her existence. I would have never known that Indiana Gregg is a lackluster pop-country singer from the U.K. with a fleet of tiny men living in and constantly grinding down the inner walls of her dried-up vagina with P12 sandpaper.

If you don’t want to read the article (and you don’t) – I’ll summarize it for you.

“Hi, I’m Indiana Gregg. I think that sharing music online for free is wrong. I need to make money from my music so that I can continue to reinvest in my art and feed my family.”

Well, Indiana – so would I. You know why I can’t? I don’t try hard enough. Do you know why you can’t? Your music sucks! If you gave your album away to 100,000 people (that’s how many she claims are sharing her music on torrent sites) in the U.S. and it was well-received, you would be successful!

Are you pissed because you’re neither commercially viable or artistic enough to be “successful?” Bands like Hellogoodbye and that band named after some lyrics in that one Smiths song both “hit it big” by doing “cool shit” on the internet. Why can’t you? 

Face it: the musical world is filled to the brim with your sort of garbage. There’s nothing that makes it sparkle or shine. It’s just more of the same. Maybe if you played music simply for the sake of enjoying the process like a REAL HUMAN BEING and NOT TO MAKE MONEY, you’d actually be creative, make interesting music and thus >>>>>> MONEY!  (and the men would move out of your vagina, making minor repairs upon their exit)

p.s.

I don’t care anymore.

bagels, peanut butter & vitamins

I’ve always loved groceries. As a child, I enjoyed going to the grocery store with my mom and picking out 432092340923 boxes of cereal and every type of Totino’s pizza.

As I got older, my tastes grew and evolved into very particular grocery items. This became expensive. I recently purchased a home and needed to cut some things out of my budget. $350.00 per month for groceries? There had to be a better way…..

….Long story short, I went to the day-old-bread store and bought a bunch of bagels for $.079 per bag. Then I bought some bulk peanut butter. Then I went to GNC and bought the most badass vitamins of all time. As it turns out….a person can survive (quite well) on bagels, peanut butter and vitamins. My grocery bill is $30 a month.

Of course, I jump on every opportunity to get free food, otherwise. Try dumpster diving sometime. You can also ask the local stores what they are doing with their food when they must dispose of it. Maybe you can get it before it hits the trash bin. Don’t spend a billion dollars in gas driving around like an idiot though. Make some phone calls. Plan that shit.

Seriously. $30 a month. I’m as healthy as ever. Actually, I shit once a day now….which my doctor tells me is a great thing.